Duration 8:22

Al Vernacchio: Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one

by TED

317 054 watched

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3.7 K

Published 15 Jul 2013

For some reason, says educator Al Vernacchio, the metaphors for talking about sex in the US all come from baseball -- scoring, getting to first base, etc. The problem is, this frames sex as a competition, with a winner and a loser. Instead, he suggests a new metaphor, one that's more about shared pleasure, discussion and agreement, fulfillment and enjoyment. Let's talk about ... pizza. TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more. Find closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages at http://www.ted.com/translate Follow TED news on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tednews Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: /user/TEDtalksDirector

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Comments - 598

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@bigred50768 months ago Gives the term pizza party a whole new meaning. 5
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@poetryraingirl11 years ago Because language is powerful and we should be aware of the subtext when we talk to kids about important topics. Just ask any advertising executive how . ...Expand 2
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@Fauxklore235 years ago Meanwhile on wikipedia: is a debunked
guy in this video: hold my cheese slice. 150
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@Yonkage8 years ago This is why i don' t use metaphors. They cause confusion and are irrelevant and pointless. 25
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@copred11 years ago " i' d go for a slice of that" " is one pizza gonna be enough? " oh god the metaphors. 7
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@livebreathefree11 years ago I liked this & agree. The bases seem kind of outdated paying least attention to the experience when really that' s whats most important. If a person . ...Expand
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@zizzlestick4211 years ago People will dig in their heels no matter what, whether change is organized and explicitly advocated or just rolls along seemingly on its own. People who . ...Expand 1
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@tea-more4 years ago Hey, mom, i' m going out to eat pizza with the boys.
sweety, didn' t you already have pizza with your brother today? 7
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@ChristopherJManess11 years ago I respect him for addressing this topic. I agree with his mindset, instead of the negative mindset that some have. I don' t think that he understands . ...Expand
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@FullCircleStories11 years ago I' m thinking of doing a phd ini' d love to give a ted talk in the future. I think i might even have something really worthwhile to present as well.
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@RedBunnyFromMars11 years ago What he' s proposing is that we drop the notion of sex being the goal of a game. Sometimes we' re comfortable staying where we are so we do it. It' s . ...Expand 1
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@argella130011 years ago Exactly! It' s really hard putting yourself out there sometimes, particularly if you' re an introverted or shy person who doesn' t like being . ...Expand 3
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@Rowena97x11 years ago Pick up line: hey, wanna go order a pizza with me? Rejection: sorry, i' m lactose intolerant lol. 3
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@AmyDentata11 years ago I' ve kinda been using similar language already, so great to see others are having similar thoughts. 2
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@victoriav3897 years ago Probably a bad idea to useas a sexual reference in light of the pedosta emails and " cheese pizza" definition on urban dictionary. 55
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@number1nigahigafan111 years ago How can everyone think that this kind of conversation is unimportant? Children' s minds are very different and react very differently to influence. . ...Expand
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@elfboi52311 years ago I don' t understand how baseball works, or what' s so entertaining about it. Maybe it' s because i' m german, but i don' t know what' s . ...Expand
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@amberfrances11 years ago Brilliant way to re-vamp the baseball sexual metaphor. Regardless of what anyone' s personal opinion ofis, the whole point is to find a new metaphor that is equally pleasing, without competition, and no one losing. Again, no one losing. Loved this!. ...Expand 2
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@turkoizdog11 years ago " when we get together for pizza, we' re not competing for pizza. " yeah, until it gets down to the last slice. Then you' re competing for pizza. 3
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@Lb806811 years ago I think this is the most surreal ted talk i' ve ever seen.
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@zizzlestick4211 years ago He' s saying sex isn' t a competition between you and the person you' re having sex with, whereas baseball is a competition. The problem with . ...Expand 3
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@makexxwar11 years ago The point of his comment wasn' t that it wouldn' t be good to change, but rather that it may not be possible to change. Language is something that . ...Expand
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@Milubee11 years ago I don' t think this metaphor will spread much, since education doesn' t actually want young people to be so open about sex. But well done speech . ...Expand 2
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@dumbblonde9511 years ago I also like the jam session model from karen b. K. Chan.
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@orbsandtea11 years ago He' s not trying to becorrect" he' s trying to help folks from a bad understanding of sex. Language influence behaviour too, it' s not exclusively the other way around. And things can be changed, regardless of your fatalism regarding the matter. Nothing he said was new to me, but i' m glad he said it, as more folks need to understand and be reminded that the popular culture has a stupid way of looking at sex. ...Expand 1
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@egorka220111 years ago Agreed, somebody who obviousely never got to second base wants to change stuff, as if its gonna help. But yeah these talks used to be scientific but now there is this.
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@Tubolitia11 years ago This is an amazingly well thought out idea. I never questioned the baseball model until now. The pizza model definitely allows for more intimacy and still . ...Expand 15
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@poetryraingirl11 years ago I just felt it could have been more fleshed out. I like that he brought it up - makes me think about the power of words and how i should be careful when discussing important topics with kids.
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@torbs3711 years ago The rebound refers to a number of different sports too.
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@reutahdut11 years ago Its not about couples talking to each other about sex, its about hoe society talks about sex and yes, the way we speak changes the way we think and act . ...Expand 1
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@rahn4511 years ago Figuring out what kinda pizza you like is a bit more descriptive than. Figuring out what kind of baseball you like to play? Granted, associating toppings . ...Expand
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@TheFamilyFrost11 years ago Why are you disliking this. This is comedy gold: d. 1
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@nihilanthnonserviam881411 years ago I certainly agree, what bothers me most is that thisreceived such attention and make up. It is rather dull to call this speech intellectual, i think it waters down the definition we have of intellect; this and other vague talk. ...Expand
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@poetryraingirl11 years ago People use metaphors. Is that a good idea? I don' t think that is the point. What i take from this talk is how powerful metaphors are. I don' t think . ...Expand 1
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@kev565able11 years ago I think he pointed out how american culture views sex - it doesn' t necessarily have to do with the baseball metaphor. American culture is generally . ...Expand 1
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@FiveofHearts16 years ago Do you think i' d do better playing dominoes on cheese pizza? 33
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@GDChapman11 years ago While i agree the baseball metaphor is rather adversarial & tends to frame women as objects to conquer, as subjects of a desired outcome, i' m not . ...Expand
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@djseafood11 years ago Cheesy at parts, and rather saucy, but very good. 1
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@liquidminds11 years ago And people look at you weird, when you have it in the office. Sometimes you want to bring it home at night, just to eat it in the morning. But the worst . ...Expand 1
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@rosiecarter663111 years ago This just made my day. I am totally keeping this in the favorites until i can talk to my future children about sexuality and sexual relationships. But . ...Expand 3
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@ahedderly11 years ago I don' t agree. I think that it' s a valid point he' s making. How many times have you seen a guy ask his buddy after a date " hey, did you . ...Expand 3
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@SeraphimGoose11 years ago He didn' t mention how dating metaphors tend to favor basketball. " the ball' s in your court" actually, that last one could refer to a number of sports. We' re dumb.
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@AzureFlash11 years ago Very nice thought. Thumbs up from me. I' m not usually enthusiastic about talks with low stem content, but this is great and i approve. 1
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@sowhat4theword11 years ago That means someone else has already given a slice of there part of the pizza or someone is greedy, or not, i don' t really know i just know its not just so simple of who gets the last slice /:
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@FuzzyGhost11 years ago The competition he speaks of is between the two potential sexual partners, not the competition between two individuals over another. As far as your comment . ...Expand
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@nachoijp11 years ago I think it' s good, we use a lot of food metaphors here, and it' s far better than sports: p.
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@6u6u7o11 years ago I liked it. Obviously he needed to add that you can' t actually change language itself, but the ideas are important! 1
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@MegatronTarantulas5 years ago Good analogy but a few caveats:
you shouldn' t have pizza with your family
it' s a bad idea to have pizza in public
most kids shouldn' t be allowed to eat pizza. ...Expand 21
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@TaroMjrn11 years ago I think eating pizza is a really good metaphor! Comparing baseball with sex just leaves too many people unsatisfied. My first partner couldn' t wait . ...Expand 2
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@l0vablelinda11 years ago Good message about reframing sex to be inclusive, not a competition, about satisfaction for everyone. Choice of metaphor of pizza was not so great.
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@ShawnRavenfire11 years ago I' ve never heard of a sex education course that uses baseball metaphors. Typically, the baseball metaphors are just used by everyday people. The actual . ...Expand 1
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@TrippyVideos4U11 years ago Fantastic ted talk! I' m glad he cleared up one of the many problems facing humanity. 7
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@liquidminds11 years ago I don' t take it personally. I have made the experience, that everyone in the gender-area seems to think his own idea is the only one that' s correct. . ...Expand
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@TissueCat11 years ago I' m a 20 yr old american male, and i' ve only heard a few of those apparently common baseball metaphors. I guess i don' t get out much? Also, i don' t know what half of those mean in baseball either.
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@Hsereal11 years ago " language is something that just happens for the most part without a single mind making major changes. " many people would disagree. For example, . ...Expand 5
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@zakUSDedelman5 years ago When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. Great new direction.
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@poetryraingirl11 years ago I don' t think it' s overt that the woman is the loser, but the woman is the subject to be won in the baseball metaphor - it' s man oriented (though . ...Expand 1
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@funnygazman1911 years ago Yes but in that model you' re competing with others for the right to mate. Human sexuality serves another purpose which is to entrench a bond between . ...Expand 1
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@fuzzymonkey8711 years ago Pizza or sex, when it' s good it' s awesome, when it' s bad. It' s usually still kinda good. 2
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@dmann87zz1411 years ago This is something a friend would think of at a bar after flirting with a couple women. And to him i would give a sarcastic deadpanas if to say, it' s not very relevant, nor is it creative enough to really appreciate. It' s like lame standup, in the form of a serious lecture. Which, by virtue of thisirony, is the only thing that could make it amusing, and it would be amusing because it is funny, which is even more ironic. I really need some goldfish. ...Expand
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@TudyThirteeneleven11 years ago You dont decide to just change language and euphemisms. All that changes at its own pace in its own thing.
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@Darmouthable11 years ago He' s trying to introduce a paradigm shift in our culture, which is an incredibly difficult thing to do. It' s also much less likely to succeed if . ...Expand 1
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@SadHeart0415011 years ago Oh don' t be so critical. This was pretty awesome, don' t even deny it.
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@michaeljames158511 years ago " do you have pizza with a group of friends, just one, or by yourself whenever you are hungry and have the money? " 5
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@Terrible_Peril11 years ago I' d venture to guess that you don' t fully understand feminism or marxism. Another [in my personal opinion, more moving] tedtalk, anthony porter . ...Expand
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@justgivemethetruth11 years ago Oh, that about made me pop one out of the park!
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@lebasson11 years ago I can agree that the basebal model is limited and perhaps even a skewed way of looking at sex but the provided pizza metaphor demonstrates how difficult it is to actually find a good metaphor for something. 1
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@Asurael11 years ago Isn' it interesting that you usually get pizza after a baseball game? Not sure what that means.
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@hounded00711 years ago Why do people flag comments they disagree with as spam youtube should do something about it like only 20% of the comments flagged as spam are actually spam.
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@lyndonbailey396511 years ago Health is also an external command. As is the external command of being more internal and goal directed. How do you definethis whole concept is laced with bourgeois ideology lol.
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@Luciferkragoth11 years ago How do you win pizza? You order more than one and finish them all.
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@Tenorio7411 years ago And as the saying goes: even bad pizza is still pizza.
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@kev565able11 years ago I' m not going to go into depth about it - but do some research about the sexualof women. The wikipedia page is a decent summary.
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@ahedderly11 years ago Plus, this metaphor is humorous in a harmless way. The vibe portrayed " so, you get to third base? Alright! " and " you enjoy a nice dinner . ...Expand 1
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@mrmeatymeatball11 years ago ' ey gurl come get some o' dat pepperoni.
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@mitchelburgener189211 years ago Switching thinking from baseball to pizza is not how you make people take sex more serious.